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  • Marilyn Young

Self Love

Spirit seems to like telling me what to write for you just as I am waking up in the morning, either the day before or the day of, my writing this newsletter. They are also speaking to me a lot lately through songs and my own direct experiences. Sometimes, though, it takes me a while to get the message! Yesterday is the latest example.


Early in the morning, I was half wakened by a persistent burning itch deep in my right shoulder and upper arm. As I fought the urge to scratch too vigorously, I burrowed further under the covers trying to fall back into a deeper sleep. I wanted to escape the maddening itch. I was tired. I have had this insane itch, sometimes accompanied by a rash, over my entire body for many months and no one can figure out what the cause is, nor a cure. It has come and gone in intensity and in different spots. I have had some brief relief when I have had help from several wonderful healers but it has been very stubborn. I know that when the medical side of things can’t make sense of what is happening, that the issue at hand is spiritual and that my body is trying to help me hear the message. Sadly, however, I seem to be terribly slow at getting that message!

So yesterday, I did not want to face it. Besides, I recalled, that the same thing had occurred the previous day in both shoulders/arms and had taken a couple of hours to fade, and the day before that in the left shoulder. However, my avoidance tactics were not working. Sleep was eluding me. I was disappointed. As I rubbed the offensive patch of skin vigorously (was that any better than scratching? I don’t know…) I asked my Guides if I should succumb to taking an antihistamine…again… This time the answer was “no.” So, I sat up in bed holding my upper arm trying to send it a little healing Reiki. A slight twinge in my other arm caused me to respond by putting my other hand over that arm. Then I heard a single word quite clearly in

my mind. “Hug.” Yup, I guess you could say I was actually hugging myself – at least it would appear like that to an onlooker. Then I heard the word again and instantly recalled two things. One, this wasn’t the first time the word had come to me, I had heard it the last two mornings as I dealt with the same itch in the same place but I never realized I should be hugging myself. Two, into my mind popped the picture of one of the healers I had previously consulted about the rash. She had gleefully hugged herself encouraging me to do the same when I had an ‘aha” moment in the session with her. At that time, my half-hearted attempt paled in comparison to her joyful celebration. I must admit, I was uncomfortable hugging myself. Yet here I was, being told to do it again.


As I held my hands in place trying to be genuine about the hug, a second thought followed. It was the healing prayer from Ho’oponopono that was given to me by another healer I had consulted for the same persistent itching and that I have mentioned in a previous newsletter from Dec 13. (See The Ripple Effect Newsletter – The Greatest Gift) In case you missed that newsletter, the prayer is simply, "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you." So, there I sat, in the dark on my bed, hugging myself and repeating the prayer silently while really feeling its meaning in my heart. The itch started to subside and I relaxed into the pillows. I tried to drift off into sleep but was brought back by a song that started playing in my head. It was the song I shared with you in the same newsletter mentioned above. The song was “The Greatest Gift” by Andrea, Matteo, and Virginia Bocelli. Both the song’s message about the greatest gift being love, and its beautiful melody, were wonderful ways for Spirit to confirm it was time to get up.

Throughout the morning I mulled over my waking experience and kept coming back to the same conclusion. This time I couldn’t avoid Spirit’s repeated message. It was loud and clear. Self love. I need to have more self love, more of a sense of self worth. I have to really FEEL that worth and love, unconditional self love. They were also insistent that this was the message for this week’s newsletter – we all need to cultivate true unconditional self love because we are SO worthy of it and it will help us manifest a joyful life. I hesitated because we have talked about self love and self worth in previous newsletters:

However, Spirit was quite insistent. The logic was quite simple. The latest newsletters were about “letting it go” in preparing to manifest in the new year (See The Ripple Effect Newsletter – Let It Go), being clear on what we want, making choices and then taking action to manifest (See Angel Messages – Seven of Raphael), and you deserve to have your dreams come true – don’t settle for less (See Angel Messages – Don’t Settle for Less). So, the message needed to pull it all together was that we need to be in a place of self love, of great self worth, to manifest the life we dream about, that we deserve.


As I was still wrestling with this message, I decided to take a break and listen to a weekly audio coaching for Empaths that I received from my good friend, Thyra Whitford. I was listening intently to her information about the importance of being clear on what we want in our life; what we want to manifest for 2023. Then, a single sentence jumped out at me. It was about needing to feel worthy so that you have the appropriate energy to receive what you want; about manifesting from a place of worth. That was the final confirmation from Spirit. How many more signs could I have had? Like me, many of you need to hear and process more about bringing in self love and self worth to move forward with joy in 2023.

So, as you move through this month working on manifesting what you want over this year, I am sure, as we have talked about before, you have worked hard at being clear regarding what you want, letting go of what might be standing in your way, and taking action towards achieving your goals. But have you also taken time to focus on how you feel about yourself? Do you love yourself so unconditionally that you genuinely believe you are worthy of all that you dream of? If you do, then nothing will stand in your way and you will be living a fabulous

life! The law of attraction will be working flawlessly for you. We know the Universe responds to our thoughts, beliefs and most importantly to our feelings. Are there any barriers there? For example, you know you have all the qualifications for that new job you want and you really believe it would be a good fit for you. But, if deep in the back of your mind, or maybe even in your subconscious, you are worried, “What if someone better comes along?” i.e. “What if I’m not good enough?” guess what is likely to happen with that job…


How, then, do we more forward cultivating true self love? Many people feel they love themselves but then have actions that don’t reflect that. You may say, “Of course I love myself. I do wonderful things for myself all the time. I make sure I eat right. I take care of my body. I know how to have fun. I take regular vacations. I have strategies to deal with stress, etc.” Those are all great strategies for self care but are they expressions of true unconditional self love? Those are things that we might do for ourselves, they are actions. And sometimes we take those actions to change how we feel about ourselves. This might work if those actions get results that change our beliefs about ourselves so that we think and feel differently about ourselves. But what if although you are doing a lot of self care, you still have negative thoughts about yourself such as “Why am I always stressed out? I look awful. I’m such a loser when it comes to relationships. Who would love this face?” Do you unconditionally love yourself? Remember this cycle?

This is how it works for self love and self worth:


True unconditional self love is unlimited and with no reservations. It is completely forgiving and accepting. There are no conditions to that love. It is a love that fills your heart with joy. Some of us may feel that for our children or grandchildren or partner. Do you feel it for yourself?

Unconditional love is our natural state. It is how we enter the world. You can see and feel this from a newborn. As we progress in life, we have experiences that move us away from that state. Deepak Chopra describes the journey back to unconditional self love as a spiritual one with three stages (Source: How To Love Yourself Unconditionally):

  1. Beginning: You are wanting and needing more love than you are receiving. You are insecure about being loveable. You love others according to how much they love you.

  2. Middle: You want a higher kind of love and feel love is a healing force that connects everyone. You feel less insecure and love others without needing anything from them.

  3. End: Love becomes unconditional with no limitations. You feel the love coming from your spiritual self. You have pure compassion and a sense of belonging to the human family, a knowing that we are all connected in love.

There is no judgement or assigning yourself a specific stage. All of us have experienced these

three stages at different times. What is important is how we can create a state of experiencing unconditional love for ourselves (an others) permanently But how do we do that? Deepak suggests spending time on one or two of the following steps every day:

  1. Connect with your inner self through a few quiet minutes every day for meditation, self-reflection, or contemplation. Notice or journal what thoughts and feelings you experience during this time. Enjoy and be grateful for the time.

  2. Honestly face your inner obstacle and resistance to moving forward. What is standing in your way? You are only human, so do not judge yourself for what you perceive as weaknesses. Obstacles from your past and how you feel are waiting to be released so you can move forward. The first step is finding what needs to be released then work towards letting it go (See The Ripple Effect Newsletter – Let It Go).

  3. Deal with old wounds. As negative emotions are released, resentments, hurts and scars are uncovered. I often find using the “5 Why’s” is helpful in getting deeper to discover the old wounds we need to release. For example, your answer to your first question of “what is creating resistance to me moving forward” might be “fear.”

    1. Then ask, “why am I afraid?

    2. If the answer is “because I don’t like the unknown” than ask, “Why don’t I like the unknown?”

    3. If the next answer is “because I don’t have control of it” then ask, “why don’t I have control of the unknown?”

    4. If the following answer is “because I’m not smart enough” then ask, “Why am I not smart enough?”

    5. The next answer reaches the root of what needs to be released: “Because that is all I was ever told when I was a child by every adult in my life.”

    6. What is important is then to accept help from someone who understands your situation and can help you take a deeper dive into healing those wounds.

  4. Forgive your past. Deepak cautions you about jumping too quickly to forgiveness when, in fact, it is just a façade for escape from the pain of the situation. You will know you are ready to practice forgiveness when your healing has given you freedom from the pain of the old wounds. You need to develop self acceptance and realize that everyone (including you) is doing the best they can given their own unique reality. Some people come into this world and just don’t know or can’t learn how to live their life any differently. That is a difficult thing to accept when someone has hurt you, especially if it is someone who you feel should love and protect you. However, you can’t truly forgive until you accept that they are trapped in their own reality.

  5. Accept where you are right now. Again, this is a place you come to when you are free of the past. Then you can truly love the moment you are in. You can start by addressing a bad memory by telling yourself, “I am not that person anymore,” because you aren’t. You are free from the past.

  6. Form relationships where you feel loved and appreciated. The people around you should reflect the unconditional love you have found for yourself. Sometimes this means letting old relationships go and forming new ones. You deserve to have people in your life who appreciate you for who you are and support who you want to become.

  7. Practice the kind of love you want to receive. Like attracts like. The more you practice unconditional love, the more of it you will receive.

Although the path to unconditional love sounds arduous, it is well worth it! Unconditional love for yourself will make it easy to have that for others. When you live from a place of love and compassion you are living in a state of high energetic vibration and that has a ripple effect. You not only attract and manifest good, positive things into your life, but you positively effect the vibration of others and their lives.

According to HeartMath, the benefits of raising your vibration include:

  • Your mind and emotions work together in harmony to meet your needs

  • You have more mental clarity and certainty about your choices and actions

  • There is more care and kindness in your connections

  • You can deflect common stress triggers

  • You are more resilient and resistant to fear, doubt, anxiety, excess worry and overwhelm

  • You are less judgemental and more tolerant of yourself and others

  • Your heart’s intuitive suggestions are less overridden by the second-guessing of the mind and emotions enabling better choices and subsequent outcomes

  • You lift others and the environment with your higher vibration

Imagine if everyone lived from a place of high vibration, what a beautiful, perfect place the world would be! The more people who do, the closer we come to that reality. The song playing repeatedly in my head on waking yesterday, continued throughout the day to reinforce this message. The lyrics tell us clearly:


"Hear the angels sing.

Hallelujah from above.

Singing peace on earth.

There’ll be peace on earth

If we open up our hearts

And give a little love.

The greatest gift is love.”


We need to start with giving that greatest gift to ourselves. Just as we would need to don the oxygen mask first in case of a mid-flight emergency, we need to love ourselves first. We need to “fill our cup” so that we have the resources to reach out and love, serve, and help others. Even Jesus, in the Gospel of Matthew, New Testament, tells us in the second greatest commandment, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” If we don’t love ourselves, how can we love our neighbour?


So, in summary, and in analyzing my morning experience that started this train of thought, I have concluded that whether it was the hugging and prayer had made my itch disappear or, as my inner skeptic tries to tell me, it was just timing, I am grateful for the many pieces that pulled this message of self love together for us. Remember, you were born in a state of perfect love. You come from Source/God/the Creator, which is pure love, therefor so are you. You are love and you are completely lovable. Your natural state is to give and receive unconditional love. The path to return to unconditional self love opens so many doors for manifesting a joyful life. Most importantly, as part of that life, you will be reconnecting with your true self. Enjoy the journey. I’ll be right there with you.


Lots of love and hugs,


Marilyn


Resources


If you would like to learn more about how to let it go and let in the new, here are a few resources I have found helpful:


Authors


Raise Your Vibration: 111 Practices to Increase Your Spiritual Connection by Kyle Gray


Websites



Intuitive Counselling and Angel Card Readings


If you have the need a helping hand to move towards self love and self worth, I am offering intuitive counselling and angel card readings online or in person (in Calgary).


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