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  • Marilyn Young

Tsunami!!

Last Ripple Effect Newsletter I spoke about having to pull back from a tsunami of negativity early in January in order to "get in the flow." I spoke about the things Spirit had given us to

do to get through that tough month and work towards creating “a new you”. Listening to what Spirit had recommended, I was working my way though the month and feeling pretty good… Well, let me ask you, have you ever had a time where things were going relatively smoothly for you, when you thought you had your act together, when you thought how lucky you were that you weren’t experiencing tough times like some of your friends were? Then, out of the blue, have you had the Universe stop you in your tracks, heaping more of the stuff you thought you had worked through back onto you? Well, that was me yesterday when an even bigger emotional tsunami hit than the one in January and it was all over – woman overboard!


Being the beginning of a new month. I was looking forward to the new beginnings and lighter energy that February promises being a global “one month” according to numerology. However, I apparently still had some clearing out to do from the previous month. The day started out fairly normal and in fact, I was especially appreciative of the beautiful warm sunny weather. Being outside for errands felt great. But towards the end of the day the energy around me got heavier and heavier until it was crushing. So much buried “yuck” came to the surface that it was overwhelming.


Lesson # 1 Responsibility (again!)


You see, this past year has been one of me learning many life lessons related to responsibility. I thought I had been working through them fairly well, but as my best friend often reminds me, just as we think we are through something, the Universe gives us another dose as if to say, “Are you sure? Are you sure you are done with this?” Perhaps it is because I am an Empath, or perhaps because this is just a huge lesson, I chose to learn this lifetime, I have always felt responsible for the happiness of others. As I child, I tried very hard to please my parents and teachers and was the peacekeeper with my four siblings and my friends. That role carried on into my adult life. I often say that all I wish for my family is that they are happy. BUT what I hadn’t fully acknowledged until yesterday was that I held myself responsible for making that happen.


Sure, intellectually I knew that we are all responsible only for ourselves. It is what I counsel others on and what I have often told myself. But what was missing is that I never fully believed it in my heart. My core belief was still the same as that child needing to keep everyone happy. Yesterday, all the sadness, loneliness, hurt, anger, unhappiness that I felt my family and friends were experiencing or had experienced came crashing over me. My mind started running through memories of all the times I could have done better to help them or make things right for them and with those memories came more buried feelings. Then the dam broke, and the uncontrollable tears started.


The thoughts and feelings kept coming, along with the remorse, regret, and guilt that I hadn’t been able to make life easier for them. That perhaps even my trying my best had included decisions that were not helpful for them or in fact had hurt them or caused them hardship. There was overwhelming sadness that I couldn’t go back in time and change things to make it better for them or wave a magic wand to make that part of their life disappear. A weight settled over my chest with the sadness in my heart for the people I love. A thought flew through my mind, “Is this what they mean by a heavy heart?”


Lesson #2 Self Worth (still!)


At my husband’s reminder of letting it go, and with the help of Archangel Michael, I worked on releasing all those heavy feelings. After a period of deep breathing and trying to quell the tears, my chest finally felt a bit lighter. Then the guilt and self criticism came in – why was I feeling this way when there are so many other people in the world with “real” problems? I wasn’t dealing with a death right now. I wasn’t sitting huddled in a basement fearful of a bomb or weather catastrophe. What was wrong with me? I should just suck it up, let it go, and move on. But the body wasn’t cooperating. The tears were still relentless. So, my ego tried a different tactic, “How can you help others when you can’t get this right yourself?” Total hopelessness rushed in to replace the sadness and guilt. Then I heard “Imposter syndrome.”


Was that it? I wondered. Was that what was at the bottom of all this? For a few minutes the tears subsided and I was thinking clearly. I know I have lapses when I am doing the work I love so much where my confidence fails. I’ve been working on my self worth for a long while now, learning to value myself for who I am and what I do. Did the Universe hand me this to look at how I felt about myself more closely,…again? Did I really think I was worth following my path, my passion of helping others in my spiritual business? Was I good enough? Was that why this had all come up? Was it to test my commitment and my belief in myself? Was it to remind me that to really help others and believe in them, I need to believe in myself and let go of feeling responsible for them? I really started to wonder if I could or should continue pursuing what I thought I loved doing. I wondered if I had ever really helped anyone. I even wondered if I should follow through with all the events and bookings I have for this month. More hopelessness settled in …


The Learning


Then a very calm clear voice came through, “Remember who you are and that you HAVE helped people with your love and compassion.” Tears started again but this time from gratitude. The voice of wisdom continued and calmed me. I heard that I did need to release feeling responsible for past events that hurt family and friends because as much as I love them, I am not responsible for them. I was reminded that everything happens for a reason and that what happened was for their benefit and learning. I heard that I was not meant to make things any different than they were, that they had planned those events in their lives before coming here so that they would serve them in some way. What happened in their lives to cause sorrow or hurt was theirs to work through and release so they could learn and grow. The more I tried to take responsibility and “fix things” for them, the more times the lesson would present itself until I got out of the way so they could learn. I was actually bringing in more of the very thing I was trying to “fix” for them. I now remember that I have a contract with everyone I come in contact with to play the role that I play, whatever that is at the time, for their highest good and mine. AND as my best friend always reminds me, everything happens on Divine timing and just as it should be.


I sat with those new thoughts rolling around in my head and as evening approached, I felt

some relief. My daughter came home with the grandkids and their hugs and hand holding lightened my heart. I was feeling better but still a bit empty. I thought about my commitment to you and writing my weekly newsletter, but I had nothing – no energy and no messages to pass on to you. My daughter’s wise words, hit home. “You set your own deadlines. Take the night off to do some self care. You can write about that tomorrow.” Self care. Briefly, my mind questioned “self care or is it just self pity?” I recognized my ego trying to sabotage me again so cancelled those thoughts and replaced them with “Self care - yes.” Then my inner self asked, “How many times do I counsel others to do just that yet rarely follow through for myself? Do I want to be someone who says, ‘do as I say but not what I do’?”


I heard from Spirit that the crying was the first step – to allow myself to feel all those feelings versus stuffing them down, burying them. Spirit called the crying a “purge.” I was finally getting rid of deeply buried emotions (and I definitely had the puffy eyes to prove it!) The next thing I heard was a cliché I often refer to “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” I was being reminded to fill up my cup. I was also told to do some self care because “who you are and what you do is important. You are a model for others.” I was humbled and touched as I was reminded of a similar message from Archangel Michael in an Akashic record reading I have had. Taking care of myself was another important step in my growth regarding self worth. So, after dinner I crawled into bed and emptied my mind while I knit and watched a Netflix movie roll across the screen in front of me. It felt odd for a Friday night as I am usually writing but sleep came early, and I welcomed it.

 

New Dawn

 

This morning more clarity came after an unusual sleep-in. My daughter was correct. I did need to write about yesterday. It was a hard day but not as hard as many others around the world were likely having. It was hard enough though to cause my “melt down” that fostered more growth for me and an experience to share with you. In fact, just prior to falling asleep last night, Spirit had me document most of the above thoughts on my phone and rounded out the rest when I woke this morning. Now, as I write, they have filled in the final missing pieces.

 

So, does my recount sound like the rantings of a crazy woman or have you had days like that too? Have you ever been hit so hard with a repeated lesson it stops you in your tracks? Have you ever had a day when the Universe demands you do some self care? I’m not quite sure why yesterday was the day for these things to come to a head for me. Maybe I had missed some earlier signs or maybe I had purposely overlooked the additional work I had to do. Maybe the trigger was listening to a recording of Gabor Mate talking about stress causing chronic disease. OR maybe it was just Divine timing. At any rate, I am grateful for it. I feel I really can now step out of the way versus rescue my loved ones. I can let go of the weight of responsibility. I can and will do more self care, so my cup is full enough to continue to give to others in a healthy way. When I need to step back and look after me, I’m ready to put into practice a saying recommended to me by a friend, “I have to say no for me at this time.” All this being said, I’m still not sure I am totally at the back end of these lessons. Only time will tell.


In sharing this with you, I hope you know that you are not going crazy when you have

challenging days. That we are all here to learn and grow. That crying is a good release. That sorting out your ego thoughts from your intuitive voice takes time.  That you don’t have to do it alone.  If you are not fortunate enough to have hugs and hand holding at the ready for you then reach out. Reach out to family and friends. Reach out to Spirit – your angels and guides are always there for you as are loved ones who have passed, ascended masters. and ancestors. I hope that when something deeply buried surfaces to be released, you can let go with grace. I hope you can find gratitude for the learning and be proud of yourself for figuring it all out. If any of my learnings about responsibility resonate with you, I hope they dampen the learning curve. Lastly, I hope you have worked through most of the hard lessons so you can move forward this month into this amazing year. Here’s to beautiful new beginnings in February.


Sending you love and light,

Marilyn


Resources


If you would like to learn more about the topics discussed in this newsletter, here are a few resources I have found helpful:

 

Websites:


 

Intuitive Counselling and Angel Card Readings


If you have the need for a helping hand to cope with the lessons on your plate, I am offering intuitive counselling, angel card readings, and angel numerology readings online or in person (in Calgary).


 

 

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