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  • Marilyn Young

Peeling the Onion

As we wrap up the month known traditionally for love, Spirit wants me to share with you a

journey in enhancing self love and discovering a block to it. Self love is so important because as much as we want to or think we love others, Spirit is telling me that we can’t fully love others until we love ourselves “with all our heart.” They are telling us that pure unconditional love is where we have come from, and it is where we are here to work our way back home to. They tell us that when we get there, within that love,  we will find everything in life that we wish for and deserve. I don’t know about you, but I have only allowed myself to feel that pure intense unconditional love a few times in my life and it brings me to tears every time. I have felt it in the embrace of my immediate family and a few close friends as well as in the presence of my angels and guides. BUT, this week was the very first time I experienced that love from myself for myself and even as I write this, the memory of that moment brings tears again. How did I get to that place? I started “peeling back the onion.” This is what happened when the first few layers were removed…


The First Few Layers

Until this week, I thought I had been doing well working on self love and was really getting there. The overwhelming tsunami of emotions and issues to deal with that I wrote about at the beginning of February had subsided and many good things were rapidly coming into my life. My family was well, we are planning a beautiful vacation, I was catching up with friends, and my spiritual business was getting busy! I thought, “Yes, this is what manifesting abundance is all about!” But in the way that Spirit always does, this week I was shown another whole level to work on. Those of you who have been reading my newsletter for a while, might recall that, through strange health conditions, my body has taught me some valuable lessons. Well, it decided to be an instrument for my growth again, but in a slightly different way. Nagging back issues that had been around for years worsened these last few weeks until it got to the point where, after many sleepless nights, I reluctantly decided to reach out for help.  

First, I decided to work with my Guides and journal asking questions about the root of this

issue and how I could address it. What I heard was “self loathing.” Wow! I was taken aback by such strong wording that was not a usual part of my vocabulary. I asked where that came from and I was shown a past life where my children were taken from me because I was accused of practicing witchcraft. Initially I was surprised because I had worked with releasing that past life before. Then I realised that I had only dealt with it from the perspective of apologizing to my children. I had then learned that they had been ok and had needed that experience to learn skills they would use in later lives. What I had not done before was tune into how I felt about myself. Trying to address the self loathing, I reassured my past self that my children would be ok and forgave myself for putting my children and myself at risk by using my gifts to help others. I tried to ease the pain that somehow my “work” as a healer had overshadowed my role as a mother and caused my family harm. (In those days many individuals using their spiritual gifts were accused of witchcraft and were imprisoned or worse.)

Later that day I also reached out to my best friend who is a loving and extremely gifted intuitive healer. She reminded me of Louise Hay’s work (author of “You Can Heal Your Life”) where lower back issues are usually related to lack of support or money. That made sense to me because my self loathing in a past life was not very supportive! When she “tuned in” Spirit told her that my back issues were also tied to this lifetime. We went back to what was happening in my life at the time they started – over twenty years ago! I recalled things that caused me to not value myself, not love myself or at least think I was not worthy of love. I needed to go back to that time and let myself know I was worthy. She also let me know that I had many layers contributing to this health issue which made sense as two had already come up in one day! Later reflecting on our conversation, I also realized that a sore throat had emerged the night before when talking with a friend about past work experiences that had been difficult and had challenged me to speak out/use my voice which I did but was never supported by my supervisors.  One of those times, had been the same time in my life that related to the back issues! My body was definitely trying to point me to what I needed to release! Layer number three!

The next day, remembering my friend’s comment about “many layers” I decided to go deeper during my morning meditation. As Source light through my crown chakra, it was not the usual light green and pink that I send out with Archangel Chamuel to work on world peace. Instead, it became a deep emerald green, the colour of the Archangel of Healing, Archangel Raphael.

“Thank you,” I thought. “I am grateful for any healing!” As the beautiful green energy proceeded through the chakras, it paused in my heart chakra and bathed it in an expanded field of green, loving light. I know this is where I needed to look deeper. The heart is where deep core beliefs are held and to me is the seat of the soul. Looking deeper with my mind’s eye, I saw that the chakra had changed and now held a child version of me sitting in a cage. Opening the cage and releasing the child, I held her in my arms and told her she was loved.

As the image of her faded another cage appeared and this time held the version of me from twenty some years ago. Memories of being the brunt of what others thought were harmless jokes came back bringing the hurt they had inflicted with them. I opened that cage and embraced my younger self in a warm hug. As I did that, I felt my heart open, and we were both wrapped in a swirl of pink light of compassion in the shape of loving arms. As they embraced us, my heart filled with so much love it brought tears to my eyes. I was finally loving myself unconditionally.


Love Begins at Home

As I sat in that warm embrace, I saw that Mother Mary, Quan Yin, and Archangel Jophiel were with me reminding me to see love and beauty not only in the world around me, but also in myself. They reminded me that “love begins at home.” Then they had me send that pink compassionate loving energy backwards and forwards along my maternal ancestral lineage – back to my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, etc. and forward to my children, grandchildren, and their children, etc. I knew that because we are all connected, any healing I was receiving would also benefit my family. More tears. Then, as the energy traveled through the rest of my body, I released what felt like dense stale energy through my hands and feet. I heard that I was to focus on myself - no contribution to world peace that day. After a few more minutes my meditation ended but the feeling of being loved lasted all day. That night, my back felt slightly better. I felt I was on the right path to resolving the back issues but obviously had more layers to go.

Reflecting on that experience today, I realized that it occurred on “pink shirt day” which is an annual day in Canada (also New Zealand) raising awareness about bullying. The day originated in 2007 when two grade 12 students, in Nova Scotia purchased and handed out

50 pink shirts in support of a fellow student who was bullied when he wore a pink shirt on the first day of school. It gave me pause to wonder how often we allow ourselves to be bullied by our own ego with negative thoughts about ourselves or laugh off bullying from others just to preserve appearances when deep down, the hurt cuts deep. Does that sound familiar to you? Have you participated in bullying yourself? One way to recognize and get out of that behaviour is to ask yourself “Would you treat someone you love like you just treated yourself?” If the answer is “no” then the message is “stop treating yourself badly.” Then it struck me. Is that where bullying comes from? Have the bullies lost the love for themselves and so can’t see how to treat others lovingly? Is the simple answer not only to say stop treating others poorly but start with yourself. Do the bullies need to learn to work on themselves, put themselves first, and to love themselves? As the Ascended Masters said, “Love begins at home.” Here is another thought… Just like us, the people in our lives who hurt us, also have a life purpose. Is part of their purpose to hurt us so we have the opportunity to work thru the healing and learn the lessons we came to this life to learn?

The Body Speaks

More and more I am acknowledging that our body is our best friend. The pain and dis-ease that it demonstrates are a physical manifestation of energetic events. It speaks to us with pain or illness to draw our attention to spiritual issues we need to address. Science already tells us that emotions will manifest themselves physically. For example, anxiety can cause nausea and rapid heart rate. But what causes the emotion? Our thoughts and perceptions of our life and the world around us. What are those perceptions and thoughts based on? Core beliefs which often reflect the spiritual life lessons we chose to learn this lifetime. The more we stray from or fight the path to learning the lesson, the more the body draws our attention to what is going on. What is your body telling you? Do you have chronic or repeated health issues? When did the issue first arise and what was happening in your life then that could be related to what you are experiencing in your body? For example, do you have repeated throat infections that started after an intense time when you could not speak out for yourself? Is your body telling you to find your voice, to be true to yourself?

Listen to Your Heart

Your body is the messenger for your soul’s expression. What does your heart centre hold for you? Can you give yourself 10-15 quiet minutes to find out? Sit comfortably, breathe deep and relax, then visualize the space deep within the middle of your chest as your heart centre. Allow Spirit to “show” you what the space consists of – size, colour, temperature, anything, or anyone present there. You may “see” a picture in your mind’s eye or hear or just know of a

description. Release any preconceived ideas or thoughts and just allow whatever information comes to you. That information will be the beginning to the answers to your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual issues. Your soul will be speaking to you, and it knows what is good for you. This is the beginning of peeling your onion. That is, you will be on your journey to self discovery, discovering the layers of your life that are covering your true self. Sometimes those layers are protective and sometimes secretive and just like an onion, peeling the layers off will often make you cry. Those tears may be of loss or relief as you discover you can release something that no longer serves you. They may be from sheer joy and gratitude for a lesson learned. OR they may be from the absolute overwhelm of receiving unconditional compassion and love.

Opportunities will present themselves when it is time to uncover the lessons you are here to learn. They will come from the world around you or your body may draw your attention to

them. Can you start the journey of discovery, of returning to the place of love and to who you truly are? Take the time to listen to your heart. Dive deep and go within. What is your heart space like? Who do you see there needing healing? A child rejected by a sports team, a younger you ridiculed or rejected by family or friends or partner? How does it show up in your body? Can you connect the dots to the lessons you chose to learn this lifetime? Whatever you find, know that as a Child of the Divine, you are loved and worthy of love. Start there, find the love for yourself and Spirit says that all else will quickly fall into place. It may not be a simple search. You may have many layers to peel back but you can do it – tears and all.

Sending you love and light,



Intuitive Counselling and Angel Card Readings


If you have the need for a helping hand in “peeling the onion”, I am offering intuitive counselling, angel card readings, and angel numerology readings online or in person (in Calgary).



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