Why Am I So Grumpy?

As I sat down to write for you tonight, an email popped in from one of our community

members and the subject line hit me like a thunderbolt – “What is the deal with me?” She went on to tell me that all day she had been irritable and crabby for no reason and was wondering if I had been experiencing the same thing. As I read her email my journey over the last several weeks replayed in my head. Had I been irritable and crabby? Oh yes, and a few times I had downright outbursts of angry rage. None of it was like my usual demeanour. So as the email asked, “what is the deal with me?” I could relate! Are you having out of character experiences/emotions lately? How have you been dealing with them? Something that catches us that off guard usually has more to it than what we first see. Let’s take a closer look…

What is Wrong?

Now I know the energy of this past month was perhaps a fiery ride for some as we took action, moving forward, dumping old baggage as we went so we could get our momentum. With a strong message about self care, it was a month to focus on us and our growth. We should have felt pampered and content. So why did some of us feel stalled, dark, gloomy, and downright grumpy?? What was wrong? When you cannot shake the gloom and grumpiness that overshadows your entire day, it is time to take a few minutes that night and ask your angels and guides for some insight. But if you are like me, sometimes I am just so tired at the end of a grumpy day, I do not want to dig deeper and get to the root of the problem. I just want to go to bed, pull the covers over my head, and hope it would all be better by morning. Have you ever felt like that when you are in a mood that you do not like has a grip on you? Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just hide ignoring it until it goes away? There is only one problem with reacting that way… the issue just comes back!

So, yawning, I usually start by thanking Spirit for all their help that day and then I start asking about what might be giving me the case of the “grumpies.” Some of the questions I have asked include the following: Was this mood because I had rushed my usual morning meditation? “No.” My body was starting to ache. Maybe I was just tired? “No.” Am I getting sick? “No” As an Empath I often pick up on other people’s moods. Is this feeling even mine? “Yes!” Yikes! So, when the nasty gloominess was all mine, I start checking in with myself a bit more.

Multiple Signs

 This past month I had two sudden outbursts of real rage that surprised me. Both were in response to situations I was familiar with - I had heard similar stories before and had next to no reaction to them. But this time, my response was full on “seeing red” anger. It was an odd experience because as I was “boiling over” part of me was also the neutral observer of the behaviour – surprised and curious as to where that type of response had come from. I wondered if I had just reached the tipping point after hearing about the same situation over and over again, or if there was something deeper driving my outbursts. Have you ever had a time when you were observing your own behaviour and wondering “Where the heck did that come from?”

Those angry outbursts were unsettling, but I am grateful for them because they added to my

resolve to dig deeper into the source of an ongoing physical health problem. I have been experiencing unexplainable inflammation in my lower left leg for months and it has recently been worsening. I have had this issue annually for the last five years. Each time it shows up, it is confusing as to the cause, and despite different treatments, it runs its course in its own time and resolves on its own after a couple of months. This year however, the issue has dragged on for much longer and symptoms are more severe. Spirit has been whispering that the area is inflamed with negative emotions and I have been working to release them. So these outbursts told me it was time to do more. Is your body showing you something you need to release? Are you storing “the grumpies” somewhere?

Peeling Back Multiple Layers

As I have been working through healing my body and the negative emptions that have come to the surface, I feel as if I am peeling back one layer after another to get to the very first incident or trauma that has created the domino effect to where I find myself today. With each layer I learn more about myself. Through working with tools in my toolbox and with several amazing gifted and loving friends, I have uncovered past life traumas, inner child trauma, and ancestral traumas all of which are showing up now to be healed and released. Through all of them a pattern of not feeling worthy, not being enough, and not feeling safe has arisen. In some situations, anger has been an emotion that came about to keep me safe. As I understand the origins of these emotions and physical challenges, I am able to forgive myself and others in various situations, I am able to help that inner child feel safe and heal those ancestral lineage behaviour patterns. I have not finished the work, but the physical symptoms are slowly improving and I feel calmer. Does your intuition whisper to you about possible trauma origins or core beliefs that might be at the root of your grumpiness? Are you able to explore those roots?

With each layer that I have peeled back I have also had the opportunity to learn and practice new healing techniques. Through my medical intuition course work I have learned a great deal about working with the inner child and the higher self. Through other modalities practiced by friends I have learned to connect with other versions of myself to heal. I have been able to strengthen other healing practices that I have integrated into my work as well. Each challenge has been an opportunity to learn and grow.

Through each layer, the guides, angels, and other beings I have encountered all have the same message. At the core of healing traumas and beliefs that no longer serve us, the ultimate outcome is to live in love and remember that we are all one. I know this is the message I also received when I met my cosmic family (see Messages from My Cosmic Family). As we uncover each negative emotion, we can transmute it into love, compassion, and peace. Simply by working with our spiritual team, we can release that negativity and return it to Source, to love. I find working with Archangel Michael and Archangel Zadkiel and the Violet Flame to be most helpful. I used to think of negative emotions like “the grumpies” to be something to hunt down and get rid of asap. However, I am learning that they help us see the lessons we need to learn. They help us grow in love, and because they are energy, they are never tossed away or forgotten, they are transmuted into love because that is their origin.

Not Mine

Some of those negative emotions you have been feeling may well not be yours, especially if they come on suddenly with no rational explanation. As Empaths we can feel the emotions of others and some of us can feel the emotions of the collective. With all of the information from media and friends about war, rising costs of living, dramatic climate events, etc., it is difficult to isolate oneself from feeling the impact of all of that negativity. We often see children experiencing this. Children are so much closer to that thinning veil and they feel the emotions of others. When they have episodes of “crying for no reason” they are responding to the weight of what they are feeling. Most parents intuitively know that all the child needs is a counterbalance of positive emotion – a hug, a cuddle, kind words, a soothing embrace. We see this work almost instantly just as an angry response from an adult only worsens the child’s behaviour. They have just had another dump of negative emotion they then respond to by crying louder.

So, if you are having a sudden case of the “grumpies,” pause, get your mind into a neutral

state (no expectations regarding the answers to your questions of Spirit), and then ask your angels and guides if what you are feeling is yours. You may “hear” or intuitively know the answer, or you may use kinesthetic testing (pendulum, body pendulum, fingers) to get your answer. Trust the answer you receive. If you are feeling others, then as an Empath you can use your usual strategies to send love and healing to what you are feeling so that it will clear for you.

Love Yourself

Just like the crying child, when you are going through difficult experiences, the last thing you need is more frustration and anger at a situation because “it won’t go away.” That type of response will only worsen the negativity you are already feeling. Instead, wrap yourself in love just as you would that crying child. Allow yourself to have some quiet time just for you. Take time to make yourself a priority to explore the root cause of what you are feeling so that it can heal. Reach out to others for that assistance and that loving hug. Try not to judge yourself, aka “I should know better. I should be able to heal myself.” Love yourself enough to know you are worthy of receiving help. Ask your spiritual team for help to heal, to release the negativity and see it transmuting into love and compassion. Surrender to Source, knowing that you are so, so loved by the Divine and that everything will work out for your highest good.

Personally, I am also learning to love my body and thank it for all the messages it brings me and for all that it has supported me through this life. More and more I am seeing how the body changes its energy to respond to our thoughts and feelings. I am learning to honour it rather than ignore it, take it for granted, or worse yet, punish it. It is my vehicle for being her on this planet at this time, and I am not ready to leave yet! I am also grateful for the emotions that have arisen because they have helped me peel back a few of those layers to decipher life lessons. Some have been buried deep for decades, and I thank them for doing what I thought had to be done at the time to keep me safe or happy.

Second Chances

So, if you have been experiencing any bouts of “the grumpies” lately or any other string of

what would be called “negative emotions,” take a moment to look beyond the surface. When you start asking “what is the deal with me?” you will start getting answers. The beauty of that work is that we end up getting a “second chance” to see something from a different perspective, to learn a lesson in life, to forgive, to love ourselves and others. As we move into a new month with a new moon tonight, we can set the intention to embrace “the grumpies” for they are opening the door to our greater self. Let’s step through that door together.

Sending you love and light,

Marilyn

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