Love It or Lose It

As I was reflecting on the many conversations I have been part of recently with friends,

clients, and Soul Messages community members, it struck me how many of us are being challenged with everything from deep emotions we have been carrying around for a long time, to everyday incidental annoyances. In this year of so much change and challenges coming into our lives at a fast pace, many of us are being reminded to seriously integrate self care into our daily lives. However, most are struggling to do so. Being very competent healers and givers we fill our days with the seemingly endless line of the needs of others who we are happy to serve but at the end of the day there is no time for self care other than to fall into bed exhausted and hope a short restless sleep will be enough to sustain us the next day when the cycle repeats. As I was reviewing the issues this group pf people had been facing – health issues, relationship issues, concerns in the workplace, financial issues, questions about their spiritual path and purpose – Spirit proposed a simple guideline for addressing all of it! They simply said., “Love it or lose it.”

The Urge to Purge

One of the easiest situations where we can use Spirit’s guideline is in purging physical things from our environment. As we grow and change, we might feel the “urge to purge” our things that no longer hold relevance for us. They may no longer be of use in our eyes or the sentimental value we once attached to them is suddenly gone. So, as we consider items for purging, we can simply ask ourselves, “Do I love it or do I lose it?” If you no longer feel a connection to those sentimental items, it is time to release them. In keeping with how we feel about them we can silence the “what if’s” that the mind might bring up – “What if Aunt Suzie thinks badly of me giving away her gift from ten years ago?” “What if sometime in the far-off future, my children might want this keepsake?” “What if I lose weight so this favourite sweater will fit again?!” Spirit would say to check in with your heart. Do you love it right now? If not, then lose it!

I know if you are like me, the thought of purging your home, or even one room, can be daunting. I would much rather be quilting, writing, or spending time with friends and family. However, deep down I know that clearing my space of things that hold “old energy” that is no longer aligned with mine can only be beneficial. I do admit that some of those very misaligned items pop up day to day and they are easy to put into the donation bin. I know I will need to set aside a dedicated time to make a bigger effort soon or the Universe will orchestrate events to make it happen! One of our community members is brilliant at turning items of her own and others into profit. In fact, she also has a brilliant strategy of clearing out a space in specific areas in her home that are intended for what she wants to manifest and bring into her home. She easily moves out what she is no longer loving so can “lose it” and imagines what she does love being in that space. She is literally telling the Universe, “This is where that item I want belongs. I am ready to receive it.” Does her strategy work? Absolutely! What about you? Are you a passionate purger or a reluctant “collector?”

Loving or Lost Relationships

When it comes to relationships most of the time letting go of a person is much more difficult than “losing” a pure silver antique cup that no one wants to polish anymore. Sometimes, relationships just fade. Those are obviously the easy ones to “lose.” As your interests, values, beliefs, and paths start to diverge time between contacts increases until one day you realize that person is no longer in your life. You make that observation with no remorse, grief, sadness, or regret. The change feels freeing and aligned with who you are at that moment. You can view the situation of both of you moving on with love, each of you ready for perhaps a new more aligned relationship. Have you had any relationships fade away?

Many of us have had or are currently having a more difficult time with loving or losing a challenging relationship. Whether a family member, a friend, work colleague, or an acquaintance, all people are in our lives for a reason. Most often they are to facilitate us learning a life lesson. So how do we decipher whether we stay in the relationship or go? Spirit tells us the answer is in our heart and suggests that we ask ourselves: How do I feel

about this person? How do I feel about our interactions? If you are honest with yourself and the answer to either or both of those questions is a lower vibrational emotion such as hate, anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, depression, then it is a sign to look deeper. It is time to get curious about why that person triggers those emotions. Are they a mirror reflecting your own similar behaviour that is asking to be examined? Are they triggering emotions rooted in a trauma from childhood, a past life, or even your ancestral line that is now ready to be cleared? Is the relationship there to inflict more trauma until you see the pattern that needs to be broken?

If the answer is yes, even a tentative one, to any of those questions, you can begin your work on you to learn, heal, and grow. Like several people I have worked with, your relationship may have brought in valuable lessons in finding your voice and being in your power as your inner child who was once silenced heals. Or you may have family relationships like mine that have helped me recognize and heal the ancestral burden of judgement. Or, as many of us have had, you may have past life experiences or lessons to learn in setting boundaries or acquiring self worth that have come into this lifetime to be healed or learned.

With this new understanding of the challenging relationship and the subsequent work that you do, your perspective of the person and situation shifts. They are no longer something that you want to run or hide from, or fight. In time, you can be grateful for what they have brought to you. Then you can ask “do I love it or lose it?” If you ask the question earlier and decide to love it, you may become stuck in a pattern that does not feel loving to you, and you can’t see your way out. You may feel as if you love the person but, in your heart, you do not love the relationship. If you decide to lose the relationship early on, you may miss the opportunities it brings but that is OK. We have free will. The Universe will bring those lessons to you at another time in a different way. If you ask the question once you have healed and learned, you can step back and look at the relationship from a neutral place. You may actually feel love for the person. You can then choose to stay in a relationship that has shifted to feeling loving or you may choose to walk away if it does not.

Most times both parties in a relationship are there to learn and grow. They need you as much as you need them. When we change our perspective to seeing both them and us as Divine sparks of light, we can work on a different level of feeling and understanding. Just as we love and heal ourselves, we can offer them the opportunity to do the same. If they choose not to, we can still love them and respect their choice made of free will. We can know that their choice is not a reflection of us but merely an indication of where they are at on their own journey. Then again, we can choose what feels most aligned with us – do we love the relationship or lose it? Whatever your decision, focus on how you feel. Does the relationship fill you with love and joy or do you feel more aligned with letting it go with love?

Lastly, many of us are so grateful to have relationships in our lives that fill us with love and joy. There may be some difficult interactions but when feeling into how you feel about the person and your relationship with them, you are filled with love and joy. Just thinking about them makes you smile. During difficult times you may support them in different loving ways. You may walk ahead of them, showing them the way through their challenge. You may walk behind them, giving them support and gentle nudges to move forward. At times you may even carry them when they are seeking a loving respite. Mostly, you may walk beside them honouring their pace and direction and cheering them on. At each step you still feel the love in your heart and know that you are aligned. Those are the ones we keep loving and we never question whether we should lose them.

Loving Our Path

This year and especially lately as I work with clients, Spirit is reminding us to love ourselves. I have been getting repeated messages for myself and others that we must remember that part of our purpose is to live in love and joy. We are reminded to be in the moment and see the beauty all around us, to find the smallest of things every day that bring us joy. Maybe it is finding that lost chocolate treat in the back of the cupboard and allowing ourselves to enjoy every morsel. Maybe it is pausing long enough to hear and feel the squeals of joy of the children playing in the playground across the street. Maybe it is really feeling the love your cat has for you as he sits in your lap purring contentedly. Whatever it is, Spirit is telling us that to let the love and joy in we need to live from our heart. We need to feel as much or more than we think.

We are also reminded to love ourselves through the tough times. As we struggle with life lessons, we can love ourselves through it. We can reflect on our successes and build on them, loving ourselves and our mis-takes as well as our progress. As mentioned previously, we can love the opportunities presented and those going through the lesson with us. We can remember also that we are loved by the Divine and trust that everything is put in our path for our highest good.

Giving ourselves time to pause and focus on self care is crucial especially as the noise of the

world around us builds to a crescendo. Regular self care is so important and is something that is difficult to implement for healers and givers. However, we need to remind ourselves we can’t give from an empty cup. The more love and care we give ourselves, the more we have to give to others. Taking time to sit quietly or walk in nature and refocus on being in your heart centre opens you up to the love for yourself and the love around you. In this year of fast change and repeated calls for action it sometimes feels like a struggle to take a break, to have “down time.” Spirit’s reassuring response to that is “Sometimes action is taking no action.” It is still part of facilitating our moving forward. When we love those moments for ourselves, we invite more of them in. When we feel guilty or obligated to focus on ourselves, we will lose those opportunities. It is up to you to decide which is in your highest good – love it or lose it?

Live and Walk in Love

When we think about our path, sometimes, we might feel as if there is something just out of our grasp. We might feel frustrated or impatient that we can’t quite determine our purpose for this lifetime. Again, Spirit reminds us that part of our purpose is to live in unconditional love and joy. So, they ask why we are so impatient to run off on a quest when love and joy are available to us every moment of every day. They are suggesting that the quiet times in our life when we feel we should be taking action but don’t know where to begin are perfectly timed for us to pause and get that clarity that we want to run off and find.

When we pause and step back, we can re-examine our dreams. What are they? What will bring us joy? Are they the same as they were twenty years ago? They can change as we grow. What new direction would fill our hearts? What would we love to move into? Who would we love to have in our life? Who or what do we still need to lose? Those are the questions that will help you align with your purpose. Not everyone has a purpose to heal thousands of people or write six bestsellers. Some of us are living our purpose when we volunteer at the nearest soup kitchen, smiling as we serve up a hot meal for someone less fortunate. That smile can change the trajectory of their day or even their life. We often don’t know the ripple effect of the loving kindness we share.

So, whatever your path, Spirit encourages us to live and walk that path in love. Being in our

heart more than our head, feeling unconditional love for ourselves and others is all that we need to do to realize our purpose. Along the way when we get a bit stuck and are not sure who to align with, what direction to go, what action to take next we can find guidance by simply asking ourselves, “Do I love it or should I lose it?”

Sending you love and light,

Marilyn

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