Are You Lonely or Just Alone?

As I was driving around the city doing errands today, I heard a discussion on the radio about

a current “trend” of more and more people “being alone” and/or being “lonely.” I started to reflect on the two concepts and how many people I know, family and friends, who live alone. Do they necessarily spend most of their waking hours alone? Are they lonely? Is there a trend for more people to spend more time alone? If so, why is that? Are you always lonely if you live alone? More and more questions started to roll around in my head throughout the day then Spirit chimed in with some points to write about. See if any of this is a fit for you. Here is what they had to say...

Are You Alone?

The first thing Spirit had me do was clarify the definition of both states. According to two dictionaries, being alone means that “no other person is with you” or to “be by oneself.” My immediate response to the first definition was “What about pets? If you have a pet, are you still alone?” Personally, I think when you have a pet or other animal with you that you interact with, you are not alone. Then Spirit came in to play the ‘devil’s advocate’ and asked, “What about plants?” If you have plants in your home that you talk to plants and you intuitively “hear” them answer, are you not alone? Or what if you have crystals in your space that you interact with energetically? And of course, there is the question about your angels, guides, fairies, dragons or other members of your spiritual team. If you interact with them, are you not alone?

Most people would define “being alone” as not being in the physical presence of another person. This does not only apply to living alone. Some people have periods of “being alone” even though they live in house full of people. They may choose to “be alone” when they shut themselves in a specific room in the house or when they take a walk down the beach unaccompanied. Other people would even define “being alone” as not being in the physical presence of another person that they know or that they can interact with. They may be in a city that is unfamiliar to them and surrounded by people but might still say, “I am all alone in a strange city.” It appears then, that the definition of being alone can be subjective. Do you see how a simple definition can become very complicated! What is your definition of being alone?

Is Being Alone “Good” or “Bad”?

Whether “being alone” is a “good or bad thing” depends on an individual’s situation and the expression of their free will. When a person chooses to “be alone,” whether it is living alone or just withdrawing from social contact for a period of time, most people would define that situation as “good thing” because the person chose to be in those specific circumstances. However, if a person is forced to spend time alone, perhaps friends and family withdraw from any social contact with the person, that may be seen as a “bad thing.”

Honouring our free will about being alone is important, but equally important or even more so, is our free will to chose how we think and feel about being alone. No matter how being

alone came about, if someone perceives their alone situation as “good,” they may choose to feel what society has taught us to feel about “good things” – happy, joyful, content, accepting, satisfied, proud, etc. Conversely, if someone perceives their situation as “bad” they may choose to feel what society has taught us to feel about “bad things” – angry, afraid, sad, depressed, anxious, rebellious, vengeful, embarrassed, etc. Most people fall into what our socialization has taught us and often that is that being alone is “bad” or something to avoid or be feared. Does anyone remember the generation that was pressured with the threat of, “You better get married or you will die alone” inferring that dying alone was a bad scary thing.

However, we can also choose to change our perception of “being alone” and subsequently choose to feel differently about it. For example, someone who is forced to live alone after the breakup of a relationship, may be excited about being alone seeing it as an opportunity to develop more skill in becoming independent rather than being depressed about the broken relationship. They might feel grateful for the alone time to reflect on what they learned from that relationship rather than being angry.

Are You Lonely?

When looking at the definition of “lonely,” it referred to “being sad because no other person is with you.” This raised my question about pets again. I know many people who claim their pets “keep them from feeling lonely.” The next definition was a little more inclusive of the pets – “being without company.” However, this definition seemed more applicable to “being alone.” So, Spirit simply said that being lonely is “the emotional response to being alone.” “Being lonely” or “loneliness” is a feeling. So, let’s combine all of these definitions. When we say we are lonely, we are referring to feeling sad when we are alone.

Because our definition of “being alone” is specific to an individual, so is the definition of “being lonely.” A typical scenario of feeling lonely may be expressed by an individual who lives alone – no pets, no interactions with plants, no acknowledgement or interaction with the spiritual realm – and who has limited contact and interaction with other people. The person choosing to be sad about their situation is a reflection of the current social norms. This is a familiar scenario for many isolated seniors. They feel lonely in response to their situation. Their response is sadness/loneliness because they have acquired the belief that you need interaction with other people to be happy. But what if they traded their sadness for gratitude for the beautiful flowers their plants produce? What if they started to pray and believe that God was hearing and answering them? Could they feel less lonely?

Other people may feel lonely even when in a room full of people because there is either no one in the room they know or no one who they can or will have an interaction with. This person too has acquired the belief that you need interaction with other people to be happy. But what if they changed their perspective? What if they adopted a new belief that said they could be grateful for the opportunity to observe people and learn about different personalities? What if they believed in themselves being capable of changing their situation by approaching someone for a conversation?

Some may blame technology for isolating people and causing them to feel lonely. Preoccupation with gaming, scrolling, streaming , and engaging in “conversation created by artificial intelligence algorithms reduces the time for human interaction. Engaging in this activity is again a choice. Some may choose it as a positive distraction from life’s stressors. Some may enjoy the intellectual challenges they encounter. Others though, may use these activities to numb any negative feelings that they may not wanting to face. Loneliness may be one of those feelings that then is being exacerbated. Conversely, connection via technology can be a remedy for loneliness for many people. Although that connection does not provide physical closeness like a handshake or a hug, it does provide person to person interaction. I know for me, technology has expanded my social circle to include friends from around the world. Again, we have a choice in how we use technology. Is loneliness a part of your life?

Being Alone Isn’t the Same as Being Lonely

Spirit also pointed out that there are many people who live alone and/or have minimal contact with other people, but they are not lonely. Perhaps they chose that lifestyle, or they have adapted to it. When I listened to the radio discussion about this topic I wondered if more people are becoming sensitive to the emotional noise of the world around them and are withdrawing from it. Perhaps they have empathic spiritual gifts that are opening and the emotional intensity of their environment is overwhelming, so they choose to “be alone.” I know I find myself increasingly happy to stay at home. For example, I prefer shopping online versus being in a shopping mall full of people. I cherish my “alone time” so I can clear out any unwanted emotions I might have picked up from others. I use that time for self care - grounding, self healing, reconnecting with my spiritual team, resting, and pursuing activities that I am passionate about.

As we proceed along our spiritual journey you may have observed your social circle shrinking as friends, and maybe even family, no longer hold the same interest and values as you do. Your contacts become further and further apart and less interesting until one day you realize they have ceased altogether. This is happening quite frequently now for many people as they evolve spiritually. The good news is that the loss of old friends does not necessarily mean you will experience loneliness. The loss creates space for new friends who are more aligned with your frequency to enter your life. Before those people find you, the increased alone time may be meant to provide you with an opportunity to go deeper within and reset, to focus on learning or healing, or to simply rest.

You Are Never Alone

Many of us have heard or used the saying “you are never alone” referring to the members of our spiritual team – angels, guides, ascended masters, fairies, dragons, passed loved ones, and other cosmic beings – who are constantly with us. Working with my guides and angels through journalling, working with oracle cards, noticing signs from them, appreciating the synchronicities in my life, and just dialoguing with them throughout the day, has cemented my belief that they are always with me. I invite you to do the same. You will always feel supported and never feel lonely.

The more I dialogue with like-minded friends and family, the more I can feel them energetically even though they may reside on the other side of the planet. As we work with our own energy, becoming more aware of our own field and integrating new beliefs about all things being energy, we will be able to connect to others more easily. The more spiritual values and beliefs we align on, the easier we can connect. Perhaps we will eventually

communicate via telepathy. I believe we have all had glimpses of that already when we think of someone and suddenly the phone rings with an unexpected call from that person! This connection with others on a similar spiritual path helps me to remember that we are all connected energetically; that we are all part of the one. Integrating this truth again helps me know that we are never alone. So, if you have times of feeling lonely, try to change your perspective if you can’t change your circumstances, reach out to like-minded people to create your new community, and join me in remembering that we are all connected as part of the one. We are connected to Source, to all people, and to all beings on this planet and beyond. You will never feel lonely again!

Sending you love and light,

Marilyn

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